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Get me out of here.   
06:22pm 06/08/2006
  I'm sick of being here and completely tired of the same people around me doing the exact same thing everyday and I do think it's true that there is no originality left in the world. There isn't, and for those people who attempt to be original, it just so happens that someone else copies exactly what they do. Therefore, the vicious cycle continues! Why can't everyone be completely spontaneous and call in sick to work today or go on a trip to Bangkok because they feel like it? I was suppose to go to Seattle in a week, but I am not gonna go because I'd rather do something else with my money than blow it on a drunken trip that I probably won't remember anyway, with people that I don't even really know that well. And the thing that really sucks the most right now is that I know I have to stay here for a year to get that stupid piece of paper that says I actually accomplished something in college. One more year, though, that's it. And then I have to find that place where I will always love to be, or find out that the idea of that place is invalid, that I will constantly be moving to new places, but you know what? That is just fine with me. As long as I know, I'm okay with that. Also, with the whole marriage thing, maybe I'm not suppose to meet anyone. That's fine too. Maybe I'm a completely independent person who doesn't need another person to make them feel whole. Perhaps I'm whole already and I need to be content with that. That's a lot more promising than meeting someone I'm okay with for a while, and then suddenly realizing that I made the worst mistake of my life and end up hating that person. I can save myself from that! It's so simple. One thing I should probably be glad about is moving back here for a while. The world is a corrupt place and you can completely get lost in it and not realize that going out every night is going to get you nowhere in life. Drinking, not remembering, being exhausted all day, hangovers, not healthy and not beneficial to you in any way. So you meet a hot guy at a bar. Are you going to marry him? Is he going to pay your way through college? I promise that none of it will last. Sometimes I feel entirely alone even though there are hundreds of people around me. When you can't have a meaningful conversation with anyone around you. When you have no one to call that will understand what you're trying to say, what do you do? Pray? Talk to God about it? That's usually what I come up with. It's fun to be popular and funny and smart and pretty, but in the end, what if it makes you feel completely empty inside? You can have everything and also have nothing. It's kind of how I feel at the moment. I have everything I could possibly WANT, so what is still missing? What am I always trying to find?  
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committed.   
06:54pm 01/08/2006
 
mood: listless
music: the Pink Spiders
Wow, well I am really glad I got one of these because I've been writing so much on my Myspace page. It's gotten a little out of hand lately. So, tonight I've been doing a lot of painting and drawings for my parents. My dad has me doing this illustration for his patients that are almost impossible to accurately draw. There are different photos of men and women doing exercises, and to copy the exact movement of these people is so hard! He pays me well for the illustrations I do, though, so I guess I need to just shutup about it. I started this mural on my mother's wall that's a simple window out of acrylics. It needs something else, but I really just don't have time to do it right now. I am moving to Fayetteville tomorrow and I am almost positive I will be moving everything by myself. I mean, I'm used to it, if you want something done, you definitely have to do it yourself. Trust me on that. I am still feeling the effects of Saturday night's binge. It was not pretty. And I know that I deserve everything I get from that night, because I just got trashed and then just kept on truckin'. I did meet some pretty cool people in the process, though, and won 20 bucks from betting some man I could take my wrist band off without breaking it. Sometimes I wonder if I am the most insane person on the planet, but everyone is just afraid to say anything about it because they think I'll go even crazier on them. It could be true. I may need to be committed somewhere in the future. Nothing surprises me anymore.		  
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alwaysabrdsmaid
 
 

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